Ladies and gentlemen, fasten your seatbelts because we’ve got the lowdown on the most heart-stopping, jaw-dropping, and gravity-defying event of the year! The Money in the Bank (MITB) show was wilder than a rodeo clown convention, and the backstage whispers are juicier than a gossip columnist’s diary.
This year’s MITB was a circus of chaos, with the women’s ladder match serving up more nail-biting moments than a thriller movie marathon. According to our pals over at Fightful Select, every single superstar walked away with nothing more than a few bruised egos and maybe some new gray hairs. Zoey Stark and Chelsea Green, the daredevils of the night, left fans gasping and clinging to their seats.
Now, let’s talk about Chelsea Green, the self-proclaimed acrophobe who has more fears than a cat in a room full of rocking chairs. This fearless feline was hurled off the top of a ladder by Tiffany Stratton, straight into a buffet of tables outside the ring. Did she survive? Absolutely. Did she prove she can conquer her fear of heights? That’s debatable, but she sure made an impression!
Zoey Stark, on the other hand, got the wind knocked out of her, literally. Iyo Sky decided to turn Stark into a human meteor, sending her from one ladder to another. It looked like something out of a slapstick comedy, but with less laughter and more “ouch.”
But the carnage wasn’t exclusive to the ladies. The men’s MITB ladder match had its own share of stunts that would make Evel Knievel wince. Chad Gable took a face-first plunge while gripping the briefcase like his life depended on it. Miraculously, he’s fine, folks. Probably just has a newfound appreciation for solid ground.
And let’s not forget the main event—a showdown so epic it could’ve been written by Shakespeare, if Shakespeare wrote about wrestlers. The Bloodline’s Solo Sikoa, Tama Tonga, and the latest addition, Jacob Fatu, squared off against Randy Orton, Cody Rhodes, and Kevin Owens. Tanga Loa, the fourth musketeer of the Bloodline, had a close encounter of the Rhodes kind when Cody delivered a tope suicida, resulting in Loa’s head making an unscheduled meeting with the commentary desk. The result? No significant injuries, just another day at the office for these gladiators.
So, dear readers, rest easy knowing your favorite wrestlers are in one piece, albeit slightly more battered. Money in the Bank might be over, but the stories (and memes) will last a lifetime. Until next time, keep your ladders steady and your briefcases secure!