In an opening segment that could give a telenovela a run for its drama, CM Punk strutted onto “WWE Raw” with the swagger of a man who just won a free buffet for life. Fresh off his latest escapade of double-crossing Drew McIntyre at Money in the Bank, Punk stood before the Ottawa crowd like he was the Grand Poobah of Shenanigans.
Now, if you thought Drew McIntyre was the only one with steam coming out of his ears, think again. Seth “Freakin'” Rollins, channeling his inner Shakespearean actor, stormed in to confront Punk. Rollins, looking like he just found out someone swiped his last Oreo, reminded Punk of a crucial point—stay out of his business. Unfortunately, Punk had apparently forgotten that memo and cost Rollins a shot at the World Heavyweight Championship as long as Damian Priest holds the belt. The betrayal! The horror! The drama!
Punk, ever the master of non-apologies, explained that his recent actions were fueled by an uncontrollable rage, then offered the most backhanded apology of the century. “I didn’t mean to ruin things for you, Seth,” he said, his voice dripping with faux sincerity. “But since it’s you, I can’t actually be that sorry.”
Rollins, never one to be outdone in the theatrics department, vowed vengeance with the intensity of a man who just found out his favorite TV show got canceled. “When you are cleared,” he declared, with the gravitas of a Marvel villain, “you will not even be able to say the name Drew McIntyre before I snap your arm and put you back on the shelf.”
Mic drop. Exit stage left. Rollins had spoken, and the gauntlet was thrown. The WWE Universe can only sit back, grab some popcorn, and wait for the next episode of this high-stakes wrestling soap opera.