Folks, it was a night to remember on WWE Raw, and let me tell you, it was YUGE. The kind of night where you sit back and say, “Wow, I’ve never seen anything quite like this before, except maybe the time I crushed the electoral college.” But I digress.
After 14 long years of tag-team glory and endless attempts to snag solo hardware, Main Event Jey Uso did the unthinkable, folks. He toppled Bron Breakker—yes, the guy with biceps the size of a small nation’s GDP—and claimed his first-ever singles title, the Intercontinental Championship. Truly spectacular, just like I always said it would be. Nobody believed me, but I always knew Jey had it in him.
Here’s how it went down: Jey earned his shot in a Fatal Four Way match that featured names so intense you’d think they were ingredients in one of those energy drinks with too many X’s. We’re talking Ilja Dragunov, Pete Dunne, and Braun Strowman—heavy hitters, all of them. Jey came out victorious, and ever since, he and Breakker have been trading words like it was a Twitter feud. Huge. Monumental. And then came the match.
It was back-and-forth, folks—back-and-forth like a poll that nobody can predict. Both men threw everything at each other, including their favorite moves. Breakker hit his Super Spear on the outside, and it looked like another tragic chapter in Jey Uso’s story, but no. Not this time, folks. Jey dug deep, like a real champ, and countered with a Spear of his own. And then? The Uso Splash! Close to a win—so close, like I was in the popular vote, but Breakker kicked out. Unbelievable!
But then came the moment—oh, the moment! Jey hit Breakker with a Superkick that could make a wrecking ball jealous, plowed him through the barricade (it was beautiful, folks, really beautiful), and sealed the deal with one final Spear and Uso Splash. And just like that, history was made. Tremendous, tremendous work.
The commentators couldn’t believe it. Joe Tessitore—who does a great job, by the way—pointed out that Jey had six previous singles title attempts and failed every time. Every single time, folks. But as I always say, seventh time’s the charm, or was it my third marriage? Doesn’t matter. What matters is, now Jey Uso, 12-time tag champ, has finally done it. He stands tall with gold around his waist and a smile bigger than the ratings of my rallies.
What a night, folks. What a tremendous night for Jey Uso, for WWE, and frankly, for America. Believe me, no one thought it could happen, but I knew. I always know.