Folks, the situation is huge—very big. We’re talking Brock Lesnar, the big guy who F5’d his way into our hearts, suddenly on a disappearing act since August 2023. Now, rumors? Oh, there have been rumors—so many, too many to count, really. Some say he’s coming back, some say he’s too busy farming the entire state of Saskatchewan. But the reality is, according to the best sources—Fightful Select, a high-level source, truly tremendous—there are zero creative plans for Brock to stomp his way back into a WWE ring anytime soon.

And folks, the reason, it’s quite something. You see, a certain federal investigation has been looming in the background. You know, the kind of investigation where they show up with big briefcases, and maybe some really thick glasses, to look at everything under the sun. According to someone on WWE’s creative team (who may or may not have been nervously looking over their shoulder), it would be “quite surprising” to see Brock return while all this is happening. The wrestler isn’t exactly in the headlines for his five-star matches lately.

Now, let’s talk lawsuits, shall we? Civil lawsuits! Very civil—and explosive. Brock may not be named, but his shadow looms large in a lawsuit that’s been slung at WWE, Vince McMahon, and John Laurinaitis. This lawsuit claims some highly inappropriate conduct involving a former employee, Janel Grant. It’s alleged McMahon, in his ultimate attempt to make magic happen (the non-PG kind), tried convincing Grant to send a little too much “content” to Lesnar to sweeten his WWE contract. And I’m not talking autograph sessions, folks. It’s all been a bit too much, and now, we’re all waiting on what the feds will dig up.

In the meantime, WWE has decided to socially distance itself from Lesnar in the biggest way possible. Not a word, not a whisper about the Beast Incarnate. No promos, no commentary. You’d think they had him on a witness protection program. But Cody Rhodes, ever the rebel, dropped Lesnar’s name on Monday Night Raw—maybe as a tribute, maybe as an act of defiance, or maybe he’s just really bad at following instructions. We’ll never know.

Oh, and the Royal Rumble? Yeah, Brock was all set to toss some poor souls over the top rope in 2024, maybe even go toe-to-toe with GUNTHER. But those plans? Gone. Poof. Like Vince McMahon’s mustache—here one minute, gone the next. Instead, it’s Sami Zayn who stepped into the spotlight and took down GUNTHER for the Intercontinental Title. Sami Zayn vs. GUNTHER at WrestleMania 40—it’s a thing. A beautiful, underdog thing. Brock, meanwhile, is probably suplexing cows somewhere.

So, for now, folks, it’s clear: the Beast Incarnate is hibernating, and WWE is not waking him up anytime soon. Not with all these legal landmines around. Will he be back? Who knows? But until then, we’ll have to make do without Lesnar’s lumbering, farm-raised chaos. And maybe that’s for the best.

By Joseph Gallery

I like ice cream, taking a back seat, wondering who I am, and pretending kayfabe is real. May or may not be the Real Dark Brandon. For the LOLZ. MALARKEY!

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