Folks, it’s a dark day in professional wrestling. A grave injustice has been committed. A tragedy of waistband proportions. Chelsea Green, our esteemed, self-proclaimed leader of the Women’s United States Championship, has fallen victim to the most heinous of maneuvers—the wrestling wedgie.
And who, you ask, would dare commit such an atrocity? None other than former TNA Knockouts Champion and current WWE Women’s Tag Team Champion, Naomi, who literally pulled the title scene into chaos on a recent SmackDown.
But fear not! Green has responded in the only way a true champion can—by issuing a ban on wedgies in wrestling, citing a completely legitimate, totally real penal agreement. According to Green, an emergency cabinet vote was held, resulting in an overwhelming 99-1 decision in favor of outlawing the dreaded tug of doom.
Who voted against it? Probably democracy.
Executive Order #NoMoreWedgies
In a statement that can only be described as presidential (or at least student council-like), Green announced:
“I hereby ban the use of wedgies in professional wrestling matches.”
No hearings. No committees. No appeals process. Just raw, executive power in action.
She then went on to warn of “banishment” for any wrestler who dares to stretch the waistband boundaries again. Folks, this is not a joke—this is a full-blown war on elastic injustice.
And while Green claims, “This will be my final comment on the matter,” something tells us this saga is far from over.
A Legacy of Tangles and Titles
Chelsea Green, a woman who has worn many titles (and now, apparently, many wedgies), has been reigning as the first-ever WWE Women’s United States Champion since December 14, after defeating Michin in the tournament finals. Before that, she held the WWE Women’s Tag Team Championships—first alongside Sonya Deville, then Piper Niven (because injuries love ruining things).
Naomi, meanwhile, made her grand return to WWE in 2024, having taken a sabbatical in TNA after storming out of WWE in 2022 alongside Mercedes Moné over creative frustrations. She is now one-half of the WWE Women’s Tag Team Champions with Bianca Belair, replacing an injured Jade Cargill.
What’s Next?
Will Naomi face repercussions for her unsanctioned atomic adjustment? Will Green’s ban hold up in the Supreme Court of WWE (also known as Adam Pearce’s inbox)?
And most importantly…
What happens if someone accidentally gets a wedgie during a match? Is there an appeal process? A special tribunal? Will WWE security start conducting waistband checks before matches?
One thing’s for sure—this is the most serious case of tights and wrongs we’ve seen in a while.