Folks, we’ve seen a lot in professional wrestling. But on AEW Revolution’s Zero Hour, we witnessed history. Not a match, not a contest—a full-blown scientific crisis. Chris Jericho unmasked Gravity—and yet, somehow, he still exists. Somebody get Neil deGrasse Tyson on the phone.
Jericho, accompanied by his Learning Tree branch managers—“Bad Apple” Brian Keith and “The Redwood” Big Bill—entered the ring not to wrestle, but to commit an unprovoked act of lucha blasphemy. Armed with a bat, because apparently, playing fair is so 2023, Jericho made sure the match never started. Instead, Gravity got battered, bruised, and publicly de-masked before he could even defend his honor. And yet, mysteriously, we all remained on the ground.
Family Drama: Wrestling Edition
Gravity’s brother, Bandido, rushed down in an emotional attempt to save his sibling, but The Learning Tree wasn’t about to let a simple concept like family loyalty interfere with their botanical brutality. Jericho, being the benevolent leader of questionable morals, then ripped off Gravity’s mask and paraded it around like a hunter who just bagged Bigfoot. Referee Aubrey Edwards, in the biggest “Mom said stop fighting!” moment of her career, called in Gravity’s actual mom and sister to shield his exposed identity. Wrestling is dramatic, but this was telenovela levels of personal.
Meanwhile, Jericho’s obsession with Bandido continues, proving that when you’re a rockstar, wrestling legend, and the self-proclaimed greatest of all time, you still have time to be petty as hell.
Hologram Remains Undefeated: Is He Even Real?
Elsewhere on Zero Hour, AEW’s most mysterious, possibly AI-generated competitor Hologram extended his undefeated streak. Partnered with Komander, the digital dynamo hit a 450 splash to secure victory over Lee Johnson and Blake Christian.
The question remains: Is Hologram an actual wrestler, or has Tony Khan been experimenting with Microsoft PowerPoint again? We may never know, but one thing is certain—he’s the most unstoppable entity in wrestling since the concept of rematches.
Other Notable Happenings:
- The Undisputed Kingdom and TNT Champion Daniel Garcia took down Shane Taylor Promotions, while The Ops lurked from a luxury suite, likely plotting their next move or just mooching free catering.
With Jericho on his latest reign of terror, Bandido seeking revenge, and Hologram confusing scientists everywhere, AEW Revolution was off to a chaotic, physics-defying start. Tune in next week, when Chris Jericho tries to unmask “Time” itself and Hologram uploads his consciousness into the TNT title.