Just when you thought a WWE main event might end without a steel chair or emotional betrayal—CM Punk said, “Not tonight, pal.”
On Raw, Jey Uso’s first defense of the WWE World Heavyweight Championship against Seth Rollins was going fine—if your definition of “fine” includes multiple spears, attempted sabotage, and a guest appearance by the angry spirit of Chicago in skinny jeans.
It started normally enough. Jey Uso, still icing the dents left by Logan Paul’s ego last week, opened the show. Then Paul Heyman slithered in like the world’s angriest Yelp reviewer, defending his WrestleMania betrayal of both Roman Reigns and CM Punk like it was a misunderstood art project. In a surprise twist, he invoked Rollins as the true number one contender and—shock of all shocks—Uso accepted.
Fast forward to the main event: Uso vs. Rollins was a certified banger. Spears. Splashes. Superkicks. Hair flips with emotional weight. But no one could get the job done. Cue Bron Breakker—WWE’s sentient refrigerator with rage issues—who tripped Uso to help Rollins nearly steal the win. Enter Sami Zayn, noble Canadian chaos-sponge, to even the odds.
But Breakker wasn’t done. He speared Zayn out of the ring and existence, giving Heyman time to distract the ref while Uso ate another spear, this time with extra betrayal sauce.
Rollins had it in the bag. He dragged Uso back into the ring, ready for the final stomp…
AND THEN—cue static guitar riff and lawsuit energy—CM Punk sprinted down like a court-ordered grudge ghost. Chair in hand. Intent in his eyes.
He leveled Breakker. He clobbered Rollins. He stared into the camera like he just finished reading The Art of Wrestling War. The match was tossed out like expired catering, and Uso technically retains his title thanks to interference so chaotic it made Monday Night Raw look like a Black Friday brawl.
In summary: Jey Uso retains. Rollins rages. Punk swings. Heyman schemes. And the chair? Possibly headed for the Hall of Fame at this point.