In what might go down as the pettiest promo since Shawn superkicked Marty through a window, John Cena opened WWE Raw in Glasgow not with a bang — but with a vengeance-fueled therapy session broadcast live to thousands. And oh, it was beautiful.
Standing in the middle of the ring like the physical embodiment of a grudge held since 2005, Cena declared to the crowd — and the universe — that he plans to retire as Undisputed WWE Champion, not to make history, not to inspire a generation, but to spite every single person who ever booed him for turning the WWE Title into a Beyblade.
Yes, that spinner belt. He brought it up. He remembers. He never forgot. Neither did your uncle still mad about Cena beating Jericho in jorts.
“The most important thing the fans ever told me,” Cena said, “was that I turned the title into a toy.” And now? He’s going to make it worse. He’s going to make it legendary. Then he’s going to take it, break Ric Flair’s record, and retire with it — presumably vanishing into the night like the world’s most vindictive action figure.
Enter: Cody Rhodes, golden-haired babyface and champion of dusty dreams. His music hit, the crowd lost it, and Cody — never one to miss a chance for drama — offered Cena the chance to do it right there. He loosened the tie, dropped the belt, and invited Big Match John to go full Big Spite Energy.
Did Cena accept?
Of course not.
He pulled the ol’ slide-out-the-ring move, leaving Cody looking like a groom at the altar and the fans thirstier than a TikTok comment section. Rhodes yelled after him, “You’re walking away empty-handed — just like you did at WrestleMania… and just like you will from WWE entirely.”
Boom. Mic drop. Emotional damage.
And now, with WrestleMania 41 looming, Cena has gone full “Final Boss You Unlocked by Bullying Him Too Much Online.” He’s not here for respect. He’s here for the belt, the record, and the glorious final chapter of being the hero turned heel out of pure spite.
The last time we saw this kind of energy, Thanos snapped. Cena’s about to do it in jean shorts.