In the grand tradition of “No good deed goes unpunished,” Sami Zayn turned down a backdoor deal from newly unhinged Seth Rollins and instead got flattened like a pancake under a Bron Breakker bulldozer on WWE Raw.
Rollins, who now dresses like he’s auditioning for the villain role in a Broadway musical about crypto fraud, opened the show with Paul Heyman and Bron Breakker in tow. That’s right—Seth Rollins is now aligned with Paul “I Raised Roman Reigns and Broke Brock Lesnar” Heyman, and also a human meat missile named Breakker.
Zayn came out asking the world’s most important question: “Seth, how is this any different than when Punk or Roman sold their souls to this guy?” Great question. Zero answers. Instead, Rollins offered Zayn a generous package that included a one-way ticket to SmackDown and a world title shot—basically the WWE version of witness protection.
Later backstage, Heyman tried the whole “I’m not a bad guy, I just manipulate people into title matches” speech, while Breakker lurked in the shadows like a golden retriever with murder in his heart.
Then came Zayn’s response—raw, passionate, and full of that “indie darling who hates shortcuts” energy. He told Rollins he respected him, loved him, and wanted him to rot in hell. A poetic combo if we’ve ever heard one.
Naturally, Breakker interrupted, and we got an impromptu main event where Zayn was bounced around the ring like a pinball. One Spear. Two Spears. Rollins came down trying to get Zayn to “take the deal.” Zayn, barely standing, used his last breath to once again scream “GO TO HELL.”
Breakker, fueled by spite and protein powder, hit a third spear. Medical staff came out. Normal people would stop here.
Breakker: “Hold my pre-workout.”
Fourth spear.
Then, for good measure, Rollins stomped Zayn into the mat like a twisted punctuation mark at the end of a friendship.
WWE Raw went off the air as Zayn lay in ruins, Rollins posed like a Bond villain, and Heyman silently counted the cash. Wrestling: the only place where you can commit felony assault and still trend positively online.