Hold onto your brass knuckles and bad decisions, folks—two of WWE Raw’s most banged-up brawlers are reportedly polishing up their gear and getting ready to re-enter the squared circle (with doctor’s notes in hand and possibly a few spare body parts).
According to PWInsider Elite (that’s the subscription-only newsletter you pretend to read while scrolling Twitter), the suits in Stamford believe both Kairi Sane and JD McDonagh are close to being medically cleared and ready to return to action. Internally, there’s “hope” they’ll be back soon. Which in WWE speak is one MRI away from a surprise run-in.
Let’s start with Kairi Sane, the pirate princess-turned-robotic arm icon. She was sidelined late last year and had to miss the Women’s Intercontinental Championship Tournament, presumably because even pirates need working limbs to plunder gold. Her last update came with a photo featuring her arm in a sling, a stoic smile, and a robotic arm emoji. She later doubled down with a Terminator GIF and the caption “I’ll get an arm of iron.”
That’s not just a recovery update. That’s a Bond villain origin story.
Meanwhile, JD McDonagh took the phrase “breaking into the main event scene” a little too literally back in January when he botched a springboard moonsault and headbutted the announcer’s desk like it owed him money. Despite the nasty spot that left him with broken ribs and a punctured lung, JD somehow avoided a concussion, proving that Irish heads are made of something stronger than titanium—probably guilt and Guinness.
JD gave an update in March saying his ribs and lungs were doing well and that he was waiting to be cleared. Translation: he’s been bench pressing IV stands and challenging X-rays to a fight.
So what does this mean for WWE Raw? Well, if both these stars come back at the same time, we’re looking at a tag team with the durability of a T-800 and the medical bills of a Fast & Furious stunt team. Who needs ladders when you’ve got rib plates and a cyborg elbow?
Stay tuned. One’s got the lungs of a champ, the other’s got the arm of a machine—and neither of them are coming back quietly.