TNA Wrestling rolled into El Paso for their “Sacrifice” pay-per-view on March 14, and let’s just say—sacrifices were made. To the gods of violence, to the altar of high spots, and to several unsuspecting body parts.
According to Dave Meltzer’s latest installment of “I Watch So Much Wrestling My Bones Hurt”, the injury report coming out of the event and its follow-up TV tapings reads like a chiropractor’s fantasy draft.
Let’s start with the Hardy Boys. Yes, those Hardy Boys—Matt and Jeff—who are apparently trying to test the warranty on their own skeletons in TNA’s steel cage and ladder matches. Matt Hardy walked away with a deviated septum, which, for those unfamiliar, is a polite medical term for “nose got smushed.” Meanwhile, Jeff Hardy, never one to be outdone, decided to injure his lower body during a gravity-defying stunt against Moose, who, in turn, tweaked his hip—most likely while wondering how Jeff keeps getting up like a crash-test magician.
But wait, there’s more! This isn’t just the Hardy Family Injury Hour. Alisha Edwards entered concussion protocol after playing peekaboo with a ladder, though she’s been cleared faster than you can say, “That spot looked rough.”
Lei Ying Lee, who sounds like a Final Boss in an action RPG, suffered a perforated eardrum during her match against Tessa Blanchard. How she didn’t lose the ability to hear her entrance music is a mystery.
Mike Santana mangled his left hand while trading fists with Mustafa Ali—who, by the way, dislocated his jaw, popped it back in like an action figure head, and still won the match. What is he made of? Slinky parts and determination?
Despite this human demolition derby, most of the wrestlers are reportedly still cleared to compete, because in TNA, pain is a feature—not a bug.
So if you’re keeping score at home:
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Noses: Bent
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Jaws: Dislocated then DIY’d
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Eardrums: Popped
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Hips: Slightly betrayed
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Commitment to chaos: Still undefeated