In a SmackDown moment so glorious it might need its own national holiday, Zelina Vega finally broke through the madness, the cheating, and the Secret Her-vice Agents to become the new Women’s United States Champion — and honestly, it was about time.
Vega, standing a proud five feet tall but giving off the energy of an entire tactical unit, faced off against Chelsea “Instagram Story Every Hour” Green. After pinning Chelsea in a non-title match last week, Vega earned her shot, though this week came with extra seasoning: Piper Niven and Alba Fyre lurking ringside like two ominous bouncers at a questionable nightclub.
Predictably, chaos reigned early. Fyre and Niven immediately started playing bumper cars with Vega whenever the referee wasn’t looking — which, to be fair, was most of the time. Green worked over Vega like she was auditioning for a daytime soap villain role.
But Vega, fueled by pure spite and Red Bull-level adrenaline, kept clawing her way back. Just as Chelsea lined up for the Unprettier, Vega reversed it into a Backstabber so sharp it probably voided Chelsea’s medical insurance.
Of course, Fyre and Niven couldn’t help themselves, interfering one too many times. The referee finally opened his eyes and yeeted them from ringside faster than a bad ex from a group chat.
In the confusion, Vega hit the Code Red, a pin so slick and fast that Chelsea Green probably thought it was a fever dream. 1-2-3. Done. New champ crowned before Piper and Alba even waddled up the ramp.
Zelina sprinted up the entrance ramp with her newly won title, celebrating like a woman who just escaped a Black Friday sale alive. Meanwhile, back in the ring, Piper and Alba tenderly checked on Chelsea Green like two henchmen realizing their boss wasn’t nearly as bulletproof as advertised.
After years of grinding, tag titles, and Queen of the Ring wins, Zelina Vega is finally a singles champion, proving once and for all:
Small but deadly is still deadly.
Green’s 132-day reign as the inaugural Women’s U.S. Champ ends with the biggest headache she’s had since dealing with Adam Pearce every week.